Friday, July 17, 2009

His Strength is Perfect

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I gather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

I read a handful of blogs on a regular basis. When I get on my computer in the morning, I have a routine that I follow as I go through them one by one. A few days ago, I clicked on one of my regularly read blogs, The NieNie Dialogs
Steph is a young woman of remarkable courage. Last August she, her husband and a flight instructor were in a horrible plane crash. Stephanie was burned very badly. She has had quite a year, as just living has been a true miracle. She doesn't look the same - and never will. She was a really pretty young girl. She was cleaning out some of her old emails that day and had run across a picture taken of her shortly before the crash. She called the photo "A Ghost in the House". Quoting her "I broke down. My face no longer looks like her, and her is me. But I don't look like her. (yes, I am so feeling sorry for myself) I thought about the song Alison Krauss sings called 'Ghost in this house'."

"I feel like that Ghost. I miss my old self so much it hurts everyday and just when I think I have accepted the "new me" I remember her, and it hurts."

I did feel bad for her - for about 10 seconds; then the uglies took over. I started thinking, okay well, it's hard. But guess what - you're alive and are going to stay that way. You get to raise your four little children - I don't. How unbelievably arrogant of me. So, here I sit a week later - a ghost in my own house. And deeply apologetic to Steph to whom I sending a copy of this post.

I look nothing like I did a week ago. I do not look like the same person at all. And I do not have the same function at all either. If you haven't seen me in a while you will not recognize me. I do want others to know this so it isn't such a shock if you run into me in public which happened today. In my husband's wonderful day o f taking care of me, as we were errand running we ran into someone we had not seen in quite a while. They were extremely uncomfortable and abviously taken aback by my appearance. That tells me that I should have mentioned this before.

I do have my walker now. It is wonderful. Although I was hesitant to take this step I am so glad that I did. It has truly given me my mobility back. I wonder why I thought it was such a big deal. Maybe because it is a big deal - but in the best possible way.

I frankly have been struggling quite a bit over the last week. The loss of independence and function is not something that any of us saw coming. I have adaptive equipment all over the house now. At first frankly demeaning to my prideful self, I now realize what a blessings these items are. I hit a really low point and decided that a pity party was definitely in order. So I threw myself a doozy of a pity party.

In His faithfulness, God sent me exactly what I needed. I had a few songs from You Tube saved in my favorites on my computer. I "randomly" opened the folder and clicked on one of them about a third of the way down. It was Steven Curtis Chapman's 'His Strength is Perfect'. I have embedded it below. Please follow it to the end.

I fell again. At this point I'm just too weak to do anything about it. Limp as a rag doll, my body is just folding up. My physical weakness is becoming more and more evident. Probably my lowest day, His strength is indeed perfect. But when my strength is gone, His is evident. My weakness only reaffirms His strength. Fully experiencing His strength gives me so much more than on my own even in my own physical weakness.


Jackie Wilkerson said...

Dear Cindy,
I'm sorry to hear that you fell again. Okay, steroids, it's time to end your side effects and let Cindy get back to normal. I've always had good luck with steroids curing whatever ailed me, so I hate to hear about the side effects you're experiencing. But I really can't imagine anyone not recognizing you. You are still your beautiful, smiling, and laughing self! I know you said you've gained weight, but so have I, so I don't see that in folks. I honestly don't notice! Your inner beauty shines through whenever I see you, so keep smiling and folks won't notice. But if you fall, we do want them to help, right? Take care. Love, Jackie

ken said...

Thank you for the honesty. Cancer is such an ugly thing, but you have taken it and with God's grace have shown us how to live. God is so awesome - always with us, which is so very comforting to me especially in the dark hours of the soul. Our little guy, Jonathan, has been going through the house lately singing 'Oh, no you never let go! Through the calm and through the storm' I am constantly in awe of how the little children lead us. Our prayers are with you. If you do not have this song on your playlist here is the link.

Anonymous said...

Cindy, I love you and miss you. I am praying for strength for you today, yours and His. Hope to see you soon. Know that no matter how you look on the outside, those around you all still see God shining through you.

God bless you today,

Laura Ellingsworth

Peak said...

Cindy, My dear sweet friend, I have been praying for you since you began this fight and know that you are being lifted up in prayers on your low day. Most importantly, God loves. He loves He loves He loves- you.

Karin P
your LCC friend

Jill said...

Cindy....I am a fellow adoptive mommy and just want you to know that I pray for you and your family each and every day.
His strentgth IS perfect.
With love,

Anonymous said...

You are what God asks for each of us, but seldom receives. Because of you I am a better mom, a better person, and most thankful for each moment.


sierrasmom said...

I am a blogging friend of Linny's. I have seen your picture and Mom of Many on her blog. I just want you to know that I will pray for you. You are so positive in a very difficult time. Your faith is an inspiration.Please know you will be in my thoughts and prayers!!!
Kathie in NY

The Ferrill's said...

Praying for you in Alabama...
Romans 15:13
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

purejoy said...

i too heard of you through linny and will be fasting and praying for you on monday, and will invite all who read my blog to join me (yeah, all two of them, ha!).
God can move mountains, and it's so cool that he allows us to push, too!

i'm beccy. said...

Just over from Linny's also. Praying for you in NE!

Adeye said...

I am a blog friend of Linny's. I have been reading through your blog and am so deeply touched by your faith, your courage and the love that you have for your family--and your God. PLEASE know that there are so many of us praying for you--standing with you and trusting with you that the HEALER will touch every part of your body that needs a touch from Him. You are in my prayers!
Love and biggest hugs

~Sandy~ said...

Just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Chris and Sarah said...

I'm one of Linny's bloggy friends too. My husband and I will be praying and fasting with Linny on Monday for a miracle for you.

I'm not waiting until Moday though to start praying, I have been praying ever since I read Linny's post and I will keep praying for you.

Hugs and prayers from Indiana.

bondedbyfaith said...

I am lifting you to the throne room of the King today! Sure am expecting a miracle!

Until God tells us otherwise,
Hoping for you!

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